The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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