we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
