If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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