so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
