I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
