I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize