shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
