Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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