I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
