i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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