i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
