so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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