Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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