I am in a vortex of obligation.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
