and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
