my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
