i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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