the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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