I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
