I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
