My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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