My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
