Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
