so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize