my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
