So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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