"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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