Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
