Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
