PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
MIDGETS
????
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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