This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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