I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
