Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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