wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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