I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think people are normalizing furries
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
