Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
