I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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