So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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