oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
