Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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