just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
