I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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