anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
