member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
