I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
