Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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