Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
