I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
