So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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