All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
