forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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