Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
