yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
