Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
