Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
