false alarm. still invincible.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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