Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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