I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
