I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
