Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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