I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
