Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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