oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
