I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize