I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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