The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
