Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
