There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is classic penis vs brain.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
