I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
