from now on my penis is your penis
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this boner is exhausting
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
