omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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