woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
