FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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