whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
