Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
